Where I'm Going

Philadelphia

dark is dark

and you're not going to find your way out there
if you keep walking 'round like it's light--

your eyes are no good no more
might as well turn them off.

all that skin on your body
it knows where it's going.
---Theresa Vincent

Well, dear readers, I'm on my way to the OR this morning. Thus, the lull in postings. No life threatening disease but still a significant surgery with a 6 week+ recovery. I'm not good at this. Well, I don't know anyone who is, actually, if they tell the truth.

I practiced and taught nursing in the 60s and 70s. I saw hundreds of patients pre op--for neurosurgery, cardiac surgery, colon surgery--terrified of the outcome. I saw women come in in pre-eclampsia, terrified they were losing their baby. My job was to comfort them, educate them, anticipate their needs and reduce their natural anxiety as much as possible. I'm told I did a pretty good job. In fact, one of my dear friends and me, also a nurse who taught with me at University of Pennsylvania, have an agreement. When either of us goes in for surgery, the other vows to be there post op so that the nursing and medical staff give us what we need immediately. There's no more vulnerable place than prone, post anesthetic, and in bone crushing pain--and no one to advocate for you.

So, I've got my advocates lined up. My son is coming after work at my request ( something I try to never do, not to burden he and his brother who have their own lives ); my dear friend is picking me up on this snowy day to watch my back pre op; then Andrea ( nurse friend ) will advocate post op. Another dear friend asked if I would like her just to be there while I am in the OR. I resisted at first, then agreed. And in the evening, Ben will be there.

I've spent years thinking I could do everything myself: raise kids, run businesses, re-build crumbling houses. And that's all good. But what it's taken me this long to learn is when to ask for what I need. I'm not alone in that, I'm quite sure. It's what causes most heartache I imagine.

So, for awhile I'll be off line healing.

My skin knows where its going -- without me micromanaging.

Blessings, MC