The Myth of Living Alone and ...Loneliness

New York

"I'm livin' alone in New York City and I feel just fine."
Francis Dunnery

I love Francis Dunnery's ballad about losing his girlfriend, losing his job, and leaving the west coast, and loving livin' in New York City. Not sad, depressed or lonely, but fine. New York magazine, in its recent issue, supports just that concept.

Turns out, the sociologists agree with him. New York City is atypical in that only 25% of the population is married; 50% of the city live alone, are essentially single. That applies not just to the young urbans, but the middle aged and the elderly. And, it turns out, that living alone isn't so bad for your health. It turns out that having a circle of friends that provide an intimate group is just as valuable. It also turns out that living in a setting where there is a reference group--folks who are in the same situation--creates happiness. So elderly widows might do better in a condo in Florida, perhaps, with other widows; singles might do better in an urban setting like New York where there is lots to do, and many other singles. It turns out that communities with mostly families is more difficult for singles since there are few folks to create a lasting relationship with--unless they have family and extended family in the suburban community. Makes sense.

For a long time, sociologists have concluded that marriage was the way to ensure happiness and longevity, and they had the statistics to prove it. The statistics still support that with a happy marriage, the couples live longer and seem happy. However, if the marriage is unhappy, the benefit is statistically negligible to the health and well-being of the couple. So, it isn't necessarily whether or not you are married but whether you have a group of close and not so close people in your world who provide what we all want--a sense of belonging. Also makes sense.

So, as I sit here in my urban setting, watching hundreds of lights of hundreds of apartments turn on as hundreds of single ( and some not single ) people end their workday, I can't help but wonder who ever bought the notion that there was only one state in life that promised happiness anyway?

M.C.